If Time is Our Most Precious Commodity, Is Tardiness the Ultimate Discourtesy?

By Renowned Beverly Hills Manners Expert Lisa Gaché

My sister will tell you that I’m always late, but that’s not true. I’m a stickler for time and I do my darndest to be on time in every aspect of my life whenever humanly possible. Yes, on rare occasions, I’ve run almost 15 minutes late to a family gathering when I had to juggle preparing the food, getting dressed, loading the car and the family and our dog, and then picking up my mother in Beverly Hills for the 45-minute drive out to my sisters in Calabasas, but the majority of the time you can count on me to be prompt with bells on!

No matter how you slice it, we’re all a slave to time. It’s either racing quickly at lightning speed or moving as slow as molasses and dragging its feet. It never seems to keep a steady, calm pace. And, if you’re like me, you feel as if you’re either playing beat the clock trying to fit in a hundred things or sitting idle rubbernecking every five seconds to see if the clock has changed.

Only during those first few weeks of Covid back in March 2020 (which put a forced halt around the world) did time seem to completely disappear. Then, once the realization set in that life must go forward, so did the onslaught of new time-related stresses. Like many others, I had to quickly pivot and move my work entirely online while also adding in the daily cooking and cleaning for my husband and girls who were now at home full-time with constant needs.

Eighteen months later, after settling into our new normal, time has become an even more cherished commodity. People from all walks have re-evaluated their circumstances and made life altering decisions based on their wish for more time to spend with loved ones, more time to smell the roses or more time to pursue a long held passion. They simply don’t want to waste one more precious minute of a valuable day.

The keeping of time is essential to a life run well and good time management is a sign of courtesy and respect. No one likes to feel second fiddle to someone else’s schedule and, honestly, we make time for those we care about and do so in a timely, mindful manner. When someone is late, it feels like a slap in the face. Unless a person is gravely ill or involved in an accident, excuses fall short, especially if their tardiness occurs repeatedly.

To get a handle on time, plan each day meticulously, prioritize tasks, and limit distractions. Imagine yourself from the other person’s perspective and make it your mission to show up on time. If not for yourself, do it out of respect for them.

A job interview. If you want the job, any lateness is considered too much. Think ahead, research directions and calculate your driving time, account for parking, elevators, and bathroom use. Arrive at reception at least ten minutes early. Should your interviewer be ahead of schedule, you will be perceived as prepared and ready to go.

A dinner party. It is considered rude to arrive early to a dinner party as you might accidentally catch the host by surprise and find them in their bathrobe putting the final touches on the table. It is perfectly acceptable to arrive at a dinner party around 10 to 15 minutes after the start time

A restaurant date. I had a friend who consistently arrived a half hour late every time we planned a dinner out and it drove me so crazy that I had to end the relationship. Even if a person is relatively easygoing, it is completely disrespectful to arrive more than five minutes late. If you are detained beyond five minutes, have the courtesy to call or text your dinner companion to let them know you are on your way.

A play or musical. Once the majority of the people are seated, no one appreciates a Jane or Johnny-come-lately traipsing through the aisles and disrupting the scene. Allow enough time for the bathroom and purchasing of snacks and be seated at least five or ten minutes before the curtain goes up and the show begins.

Appointments with doctors, manicurists, etc. This is a big point of contention for me as I generally squeeze in appointments between juggling work and family, and only allow about a minute or two of leeway. If I make an appointment I expect to be seen on time and I am always respectful by calling ahead if I know I will be even two minutes late. Punctuality is particularly important when it comes to appointments otherwise an entire day can be thrown off.

A wedding ceremony. It is best to arrive at least 15 to 20 minutes early for a wedding ceremony to allow for brief socializing and greeting of family and friends before sitting. You don’t want to get on the photographer’s bad side by trying to slip into your seat while the bride is preparing to make her grand entrance down the aisle. If you are late, have the decency to wait outside until the processional is complete.

A cocktail party or large reception. Since these gatherings are generally larger and consist of a flow of people both entering and exiting at will, a delay of between 15 to 30 minutes is considered normal and will not disrupt the ambiance or mood of the party.

A business meal or meeting. Your time is certainly of value and so is the time of others. Showing up late to a business meal or meeting, not only wastes your time, but the time of everyone else in attendance. Show your regard by arriving a few minutes early or at least on time. This will result in much more favorable business dealings.

Founder and CEO of Beverly Hills Manners, Lisa Gaché is a nationally recognized etiquette coach and lifestyle expert. She provides practical modern day solutions and helps clients use the power of social intelligence to enhance their lives, both personally and professionally.

Featured on national television (The Today Show, Access Hollywood, Dr. Phil) and in print media (USA Today, New York Times, The Hollywood Reporter, The Telegraph), Ms. Gaché received her certification as a Corporate Etiquette and International Protocol Consultant from The Protocol School of Washington along with a mark of distinction from The English Manner in London.

Lisa’s book, Beverly Hills Manners: Golden Rules from the World’s Most Glamorous Zip Code, published November 2014, is the go-to-guide for parents and Saudi princesses, NFL coaches and Oscar nominees. She is currently working on big vision to bring these crucial life tools and social change to the world. For further information, please contact www.beverlyhillsmanners.com.