Ten Commandments for Love By Shelley Stockwell-Nicholas, Ph.D. President of the International Hypnosis Federation
1. BE A GOOD FRIEND
What qualities do you want in a friend? Do you demonstrate them yourself? If not, improve your behaviors and attitudes. Monkey see, monkey do; if you want a friend, you need to be one. Start by being a good friend to yourself. When you respect your own beauty and uniqueness, it makes it easier to appreciate others’ beauty and uniqueness. Friends, family and mates bring out your best and worst so you can learn how to love. Relationships require you to look at your “stuff.” When you observe yourself in relationship with others, in good times and bad, you grow in wisdom and peace and are better equipped to have fun and love.
2. TELL THE TRUTH
If you tell the truth to yourself and your partner, you’ll never go wrong. Truth is the gauge of friendship.
3. MAKE TIME FOR TOGETHERNESS
“When was your baby born?” “The year the TV broke”
An average married couple spends well over six hours a day watching TV and stare at a computer screen and less than twenty-five minutes talking together. Friendship needs time to develop. Make time to talk and listen to yourself and your beloved.
4. CELEBRATE UNIQUENESS
“How did you stay married to the same woman for 50 years?”
“Hell, she’s not the same woman. Every couple of years she changes.”
Viva la difference! A true friend encourages the other to grow, learn and pursue their unique purpose. Resist the temptation to create a replica of yourself. Differences in attitudes and behaviors enhance. Honor different inner voices in yourself and others.
5. COMPLIMENT YOUR FRIEND AND YOURSELF OFTEN
“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
When you catch someone being wonderful, tell them. When you catch yourself being wonderful, notice how doing something positive for another makes you feel great. Says this to your beloved; “My life is so enhanced by knowing you.” “I’m a better person because I know you.” “I like the way you think.” “You light up my life.” “Brilliant!” “You’re terrific!” “I love YOU.”
RAISE YOUR PRAISE!
* Be Specific as to what and when “When you came over and helped me get my project done when we were overloaded. And then you made us both a cup of tea…”
* Share Consequences “It helped me to do other things that I really needed to attend to…”
* It Shows You to Be “You are such a generous and thoughtful person the way you rolled with the challenges and stayed so positive.”
* Congratulations “Thank you so much…I really appreciate what you did.”
6. LISTEN TO ORAL AND NON-VERBAL MESSAGES
“The real voyage of discovery does not seek new lands, but sees with new eyes.”
Be aware of feelings and actions as well as words. When you do, your friend knows you are a friend. Listen to yourself. Be your own best friend. The flip side of generating sound is receiving sound. How do you listen?
7. BE POSITIVE IN COMMUNICATION
Folks stay close when they associate more pleasure than pain in their relationship with you. Sour faces, talking about problems and negativity turn people off. Positive strokes and attitudes make positive memories. Acknowledge the efforts and steps another makes to satisfy your requests.
8. DON’T CRITICIZE
“When advice, like snow, falls softly; it lasts longer and sinks deeper into the mind.”
We’re mirrors for each other. If you judge another, you too, are judged. Your actions and who you are sometimes differ. You don’t have to like your own every action, to like yourself. You don’t have to like someone’s every action, to like him or her. Keep a positive attitude toward yourself and others and you promote positive change.
9. NOTICE NEEDS & MEET THEM
“I don’t know why he dislikes me;. I never did him any favors.”
Walk in your another’s shoes and empathize and support them in having what they want. Encourage them and yourself to ask for what you want.
10. ALLOW TIME FOR PLAY AND RELAXATION
The family that plays together stays together. People having fun love themselves and others. Quiet time is important too. Spend time listening to music. Allow time to be quiet.
Dr. Shelley’s Ten Commitments for Love
1. Be A Good Friend
2. Tell the Truth
3. Make Time for Togetherness
4. Celebrate Uniqueness
5. Compliment Your Friend and Yourself Often
6. Listen to Oral and Non-Verbal Messages
7. Be Positive in Communication
8. Don’t Criticize
9. Notice Needs and Meet Them
10. Allow Time For Play
