Real help promotes self-realization that enhances life and honors each individual. This is enhanced by these helpful rules:

1. “I WALK MY TALK”

Your quest to be the best help as you help others be their best requires that you take care of yourself in the process. It's essential to think, feel and act well regarding yourself so you become a role model. To love someone love yourself first. Respect your boundaries and if you need a breather, take it.

2. “I’M PEOPLE FASCINATED”

Your curiosity keeps you present and helpful. As you sit with countenance, respect what the other person thinks, feels, wants and needs. Then adjust your behavior to play to their dominant senses, style and frame of reference.

3. “I’M A KEEN OBSERVER”

A real helper gets over themselves as they gently and objectively hold the mirror so the other person reflects on their perfection. They don’t need to hear about you. Their time with you is about them. Remain self-contained and objective as you observe how they operate.

4. “I LISTEN ON MULTIPLE LEVELS”

Listen to what they communicate with positive neutrality so they are truly heard. Effective listening is a nuanced skill. Hear what is said, how it’s said, why it’s said, and what it means to them. Listen “between the lines.” A throat clear can underscore what’s being censored and stomach gurgle may affirm a gut level truth. As you observe body and facial movements you more clearly receive all levels of communication. Clear listening develops rapport and helps you accurately assess of how to best be of service.

5. “I’M ACCESSIBILE & AUTHENTIC

Be genuine and user-friendly in your actions and reactions.

Your empathetic connection is key and at the core of an effective relationship. If you don’t like how they are treating you at that moment, step aside and hang out on your own for a spell and come back laughing at your healthy self-preservation.

6. FLEXIBILITY

Expand your wisdom in every way. It’s fun to enter into a person’s reality tunnel and, from that vantage point, navigate in a positive direction. Each person is unique and, like you, they are the center of their universe. To be a good fit for them remain flexibility.

7. SENSE OF HUMOR

A shared laugh evokes a soothing cascade of healing biochemistry. To laugh is to live from the inside out… and that’s what happiness is all about. Laughter renews biochemistry. Everyone needs to feel good about themselves and their life, so share uplifting stories that renew, restore and regenerate and feel good. Help those you help to honor what they have learned and then refocus on an uplifting here and the future.

8. “RED ALERT! Danger!”

An upsetting story can evoke abreactions and biochemical misery that reactivates hurtful biochemistry. Recounting the story Once or twice may “get it off the chest” YET, if you recall and repeat a tragic story or trauma again and again, you court biological and emotional disaster. When abreaction becomes a re-creational activity, you hurt people energetically, biochemically and emotionally.

YCCH: HURTFUL HELPER PRE-SUPPOSITIONS

1. Systematic Desensitization Myth. “Play your miserable story again and again in four-part harmony and maudlin violins and you’ll be happy.”

2. Primal Therapy Myth. “Once again– for hours on end– emote, cry, and pound the floor.

9. AFFIRM GREAT OUTCOMES

Hypnotize yourself and others to claim wellbeing, joy and upliftment NOW. AFFIRM: “I put the past where it belongs– in the past– and I renew, restore, revitalize and balance my limbic system. Learning is living. It’s never too late to have a happy yesterday. Mindful happiness unfolds happy tomorrows and positive results. My words and body language bring upliftment. Every day in every way I am better and better and better.”

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Local Personality, Shelley Stockwell-Nicholas, PhD is a hypnotherapist, mindfulness and NLP trainer, artist and the author of 25 books. She certifies practitioners through the International Hypnosis Federation. You can call her at 310 541-4844.